Here's a class I did on talking to your kids about sex. Check it out!

Don't do it until you're married.

Sexual sin will send you to hell.

If your spouse wants it, you better do it, or they will struggle with sexual temptation and go find it somewhere else.

That is about the sum total of what most people think the bible says about sex. God, in His word, addresses sexuality in a much deeper and finer way, so this entry is devoted to a beginning discussion on that. Many of you reading this text may have experienced reading books on sex or gone to marriage retreats where sex was one of the topics. For many, books and retreats discussing sex are discouraging and to be avoided. Lessons about how sex should be great, that everyone should be having great sex, and that you need to make your sex life great, can lead...

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It can be very difficult for couples to know how to talk about their concerns and struggles in the aftermath of a sexual betrayal. If you are wondering if your spouse is still struggling, do you ask? If you are struggling, do you tell? When and how is this kind of openness beneficial, helpful, and healing?

When I, Jennifer, first see a couple involved in a sexual betrayal, there are a number of communication needs that should be addressed, some of which we have already mentioned. Another practical that is helpful is giving the couple a tool to talk about the process of sexual recovery, expecially with those dealing with pornography. This is called the Daily Trust Conversation, and is from Timothy OFarrells' work on Behavioral Couples The...

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Raoul and Rachel came to me for sex therapy. They engaged in sex rarely and Rachel had never experienced an orgasm with Raoul. They had various personal challenges that were also affecting their relational issues. Rachel struggled with obsessive compulsive behaviors and Raoul had a history of risky, relationship damaging sexual behaviors, including engaging in cybersexual relationships and massage parlors. Shortly before therapy began, Rachel had been involved in an extra-marital affair. During that sexual relationship, she experienced orgasm for the first time. Both of them felt betrayed and yet both expressed the genuine desire to repair their relationship.

Some couples, well, most couples, when they come to see me for sex therapy, hav...

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Roger and Marcia have been married 18 years and they have relatively low conflict. They make most decisions together and parent their three children effectively. They both feel, though, that they are two roommates who get along well but have little emotional connection. Eduardo and Rosalie both work full time and have 2 children who have very busy extra-curricular lives. Eduardo works long hours and Rosalie feels the challenge of working while trying to be a good, supportive mom. They spend time together as a family, but Eduardo and Rosalie have little to no time for just the two of them. They continually interact with irritation and frustration that simmers underneath their relationship. Chiyo and Kwan are recently married and have busy...

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Susan shared about feeling burning, searing, ripping pain during sex for the last few decades. She was in a happy marriage with a caring husband. She had gone to her gynecologist many times over the years looking for answers. She had tried prescribed estrogen creams, kegel exercises, lubricants, and over-the-counter vaginal moisturizers. She and her husband had gone to a sex therapist who explored issues from her past and dynamics in her marriage that might be effecting the pain. Ultimately, nothing made a difference with the pain.

Like Susan, women may experience discomfort and pain during sex. Some I have worked with have described the same searing and ripping pain when the penis enters the vagina. Others talk about a dull or sharp pai...

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Approaching conflict in a way that works is important in the sexual relationship as well as the overall relationship. In fact, if you don't know how to do it in your marriage in general, it probably not going to go well when you discuss sexual issues. It is vital that we pay attention to how we approach someone when we are hurt by, upset with, or angry with them. Gottman calls it the "softened start up." The bible calls it "speaking the truth in love." It is important, in dealing with conflict, to be a good listener. It is also extremely important to be a good speaker. As Tripp says, in the Age of Opportunity, "If you fail to speak the truth in love, it will cease to be the truth because it's polluted or corrupted by your frustration, im...

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In order for conflict to actually draw you closer and create more intimacy, it is important to feel and express empathy and understanding when someone shares something with you. When your spouse approaches you with a conflict, truly listening and understanding, validating them, and feeling genuine empathy, will go a long way toward deepening intimacy.


Look at Jesus. Luke 7:11-16. He is walking into town and there is a funeral passing by. When Jesus sees the mother of the dead young man, "his heart went out to her." This phrase actually means, in the Greek, "his guts were moved." God cares. Jesus cares. God calls us to care. He calls us to connect with one another on a gut level.

How to Get There: Validation - Listen by using RACE


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O.K., now that we have talked about why it is important to have healthy conflict resolution in a marriage in order to have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, we will address the sexual problems that occur in the marital relationship.

Sexual problems in marriage can have many different roots. It may be that there is conflict or unresolved issues in the marriage affecting the marriage bed. It may be that sexual sins, either from an individual's past or that are happening currently or recently in the relationship, have had a damaging effect. There may be challenges if someone has experienced any sexual abuse or molestation in their background. Also, other sin can affect the sexual relationship, including sexual sin, selfishness, or ...

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Erectile Issues

Michael had been experiencing problems with his erection for the last 8 years. He and his wife had also not had sex in 2 years, their conflict was high, and he expressed that he rarely even thought about sex. Russ and his wife engaged in sex therapy and had some amazing results in their marriage and their intimacy, yet he still continued to be unable to reach orgasm, though he remained erect throughout sexual stimulation. Philip expressed that he always ejaculated with 15-30 seconds after entering his wife.

Men may experience a number of different challenges with erection and ejaculation. They may feel they have a problem gaining or maintaining an erection. They may feel they ejaculate too soon, thereby loosing their erec...

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